Entertainment And Funnies - Page 11

Mrsmopp

LMSO!! Now thats more like it!

x

gibbo

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final

As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in
the empty seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event, and not use it?"

"Well, actually the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come
with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't
been to together since we got married."

"Oh.....I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral.

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.

Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles & Mum said it was contagious."

"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's bug going round, & it's contagious."

"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"

Little Irish Shaun jumps up & says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush & my Dad says it will take the contagious"

Gibbo

gibbo

>> >>Actual call centre conversations...

Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".

Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".

Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".

Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

>> >> > ---------------------------------------------------

Samsung Electronics

Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"

Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".

Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"

Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

-------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services

Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia?"

Operator: Doesn't the product give you a clue?

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France

"If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?"

>>-------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries

Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".

Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"

Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.

Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"

Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box told a worried operator: "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".

Customer: "OK".

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No".

Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?".

Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
have my file back again?".

>>--------------------------------------------------------------------

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in
a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

>> >> > (Now I know why they record these conversations!):
>> >>
Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; May I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Operator: "What sort of trouble??"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words eent away."

Operator: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Operator: "Nothing??"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."

Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"

Caller: "I don't know."

Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.

Caller: "Yes, it is."

Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."

Caller: "Okay, here it is."

Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"

Caller: "No."

Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way
over??"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's
because it's dark."

Operator: "Dark??"

Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."

Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Operator: "No? Why not??"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Operator: "A power...................................... A power
failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the
boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up
just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"

Operator: "Tell them you're too f*****g stupid to own a computer".

Gibbo

markt4

pmsl that is class

neevo

Sorry Gibbo, that last one is an urban myth

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm

Having worked in tech support for a big PC manufacturer I often wished I could have said something like this though to be fair I have to admit having many a laugh with customers to whom I could have made a similar comment without offense.

gibbo

Quote:

Originally Posted by neevo

Sorry Gibbo, that last one is an urban myth

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperf.htm

Having worked in tech support for a big PC manufacturer I often wished I could have said something like this though to be fair I have to admit having many a laugh with customers to whom I could have made a similar comment without offense.

Mate is was a copy & paste job from another forum!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gibbo

Vikingxl

part 1

Vikingxl

part 2

Vikingxl

Part 3

T5 Ben

What have John Prescott and MFI got in common?

One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet is f****d!

Ben.

T5ER

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ben 77

What have John Prescott and MFI got in common?

One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet is f****d!

Ben.

very good indeed and very true

markt4

Three boys are in the playground bragging of how great their fathers
are.

The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an
arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".

The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter.
He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".

The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then
says:

"You two know nothing about fast. My father is a contractor. He stops
working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!

Vikingxl

Matt30462

You've been rifling around in my shopping again. I've told you before keep your hands off my Big Nuts.
Nuff said! Right! I'm off for a ****o and clear up that Coolpis with My Fanny, might have a Fart while I'm at it.